We finally had to let him go, after an agonising debate over whether it was worth attempting to treat whatever the problem was, but we decided in the end that although it was so, so sad, we didn't want to see him suffer any more. My wonderful husband took him into the vet and was there with him the whole time as I couldn't bear to go in - I know I would have broken down just seeing him lying there. The vet actually told us in the end that he believed we had done the right thing, as Freddie was 100% worse than when he had last seen him, which was less than a week previously.
I had spent the afternoon with Freddie before this just cuddling him and trying to make him as comfortable as possible, and talking to him, but it was obvious that he had already given up and seemed to be waiting for the inevitable himself. I know some people might say "he was only a cat" but to us he was part of our family and had a real personality. Felinality?! Anyway, there is a lot that we will miss about him, and I still expect him to be sitting in a corner, or come trotting into a room all the time.
We put him in a wooden box that we already had, and I decided to lay him on a scarf I had hand knitted, then we wrapped him up in some material that my husband had. I was adamant that he musn't be "uncomfortable" and this seemed the most important thing to me, even though he wasn't alive any more. We made sure he was clean, then laid him comfortably in his box. We laid a bunch of flowers in with him and a photo of us with messages on the back to him.
He is now buried in a wide open field at the top of a hill outside a local village to us.
I am so sad that he is gone - it still doesn't seem real as we didn't really have that much time to adjust to it before it happened. But I am glad that isn't suffering any more as that was awful to watch, and we couldn't do anything to help him. I'll try to find the post I made with a photo of him on this blog, and put up the link.